Roasting The Boy
My brother James is turning 22 on August 28, 2009. His party will be the following day and we’re planning a roast. I will be the MC, and a few other brothers and friends will be included. I thought I would get the ball rolling on my blog to add to my list of insults. Rest assured, The Boy will be burned alive. Please submit a joke for James’ roast in the comments.
Here’s what you need to know about him:
Straight as a boomerang
1. He’s very tall(6′7″) and not done growing
2. He’s in art school and works as a graphic designer
3. He’s into the indy music scene and likes obscure gay bands
4. He lived in the Castro for over a year
5. He works for his older brother at an internet start-up
6. He’s skinny with long hair
7. He wears tight jeans and a SF Giants hat
8. He’s the youngest brother/baby of the family
9. He’s single
10. He’s not athletic and dances like a queer.
Have at it gang!
-I’m not saying James’ is a casual dater, but by the end of the weekend he has to waterboard his dick just to sit down.
-James is so tall he needs to take an elevator to suck Barry Bonds’ dick.
-Years of experience at the crossroads of art school and the internet and the only thing he has to show for it is a dildo shaped like Bill Gates.
-I’m not saying James is bad at sports but he’s the only guy I know to have batted the cycle in boys’ gymnastics.
-What’s under that hat hard boiled eggs?
-Last year I told James “Awesome Halloween costume Rumpleforeskin.” He replied “It’s July and I just got back home from work.”
-I’m not saying James’ car smells like shit but he’s the only guy I know to qualify for Cash for Dumpers.
Correction. I believe he lived in a closet in the Castro for a year.
This guy is so emo he makes Belle and Sebastian seem like heavy metal.
The boy is so weak he works out by curling toothpicks.
He only drinks cosmos… on days that end in Y.
His middle name is Taylor.. named after what he wishes his first name was.. faggot…
The boy is so lame he won’t defend himself (give him two seconds to not respond and then say, “told ya!”
The boy is so dumb he tried to return the nutnecklace I sold him.
The boy’s posture is so retarded he makes Amie Yoshizumi look like a yogin.
The boy is so gay he shops at h&m… nuff said!