Every once in a while you’ll understand a little bit more about who you are based on where you came from. This is my Pop, half of my genetic equation, George Robert Edmondson. He doesn’t always look like this, sometimes he looks slightly less polished. Let me explain his outfit from the top down.

George Edmondson, or George Clooney? You figure it out.

To start, we have the Yves St. Laurent bifocals with optional self darkening lenses. “Did you notice my glasses change color when I go outside? The only thing I don’t like about them is they say Yves St. Laurent on the sides. Who is that?”

Next, we have the Blue Tooth headset and neck lanyard. This is a great accessory for anyone who is technologically aspirational and borderline retarded. “I’ve lost three Blue Tooths in the past. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t wear one like this!”

Moving on, the obvious white Kirkland Signatures under shirt. This may seem like a solid no nonsense choice, but the second you tuck it into your sweats, you send the world a message; “I’m ready for anything…That doesn’t involve literacy.”

“iphone belt case anyone? No? No takers? How about you sir? I see you’re already wearing a Blue Tooth lanyard and if you add the iphone belt case, you can effectively thwart all potential sexual advances.”

Phat Farm is back, and it’s not just for your baby’s daddy. I bet Russell Simmons never dreamed he’d see his label on a 60 something skinny white man. Is Baby Phat more his style?…Either way, the cream colored sweats and striped waist band haven’t looked better since they were hanging on the clearance rack at Ross.

Thanks to my Pop who willingly posed for this picture. In his defense, the pants were borrowed from my brother, who uses them for chain smoking Benson & Hedges Ultra Light Menthols while guzzling Sugar Free Red Bulls.

On my way to the Wendy's Drive Thru.