Archive for August, 2009

My brother James is turning 22 on August 28, 2009. His party will be the following day and we’re planning a roast. I will be the MC, and a few other brothers and friends will be included. I thought I would get the ball rolling on my blog to add to my list of insults. Rest assured, The Boy will be burned alive. Please submit a joke for James’ roast in the comments.

Here’s what you need to know about him:

1. He’s very tall(6′7″) and not done growing
2. He’s in art school and works as a graphic designer
3. He’s into the indy music scene and likes obscure gay bands
4. He lived in the Castro for over a year
5. He works for his older brother at an internet start-up
6. He’s skinny with long hair
7. He wears tight jeans and a SF Giants hat
8. He’s the youngest brother/baby of the family
9. He’s single
10. He’s not athletic and dances like a queer.

Have at it gang!

Once again, we have shoddy camera work by my brother James, who laughs at EVERYTHING. Trust me, I’m not complaining, he’s a great audience.

My mom tells me I’ve had the same personality since I was 3 years old. I’m afraid to ask her how she’d characterize me. Did I have an edge? Was I sweet? Have I always been a comedian? It sounded strange to hear Mom say that, because how much can you really be doing at 3? After watching my niece, Julia, I believe her.

At 3 years old, Julia’s personality seems to be so thoroughly developed in such a vibrant way. She plays favorites, and as her 2nd favorite Uncle, I’m not it. Julia delivers the brutal truth, but that’s not to say she’s always honest. She will lie like a rug to get extra chocolate, ice cream or whatever she’s trying to get her grubby little paws on.

On one occasion, I was babysitting Julia and her older sister, Georgia. I decided I was going to give them whatever they wanted. After a dinner of mac n’ cheese, it was dessert time. They both knew they were not allowed more than two pieces of chocolate when mom was around. Would they follow the rules in her absence? Georgia had one extra piece. Julia had five and only stopped because Georgia was pleading with her in tears “Julia! Mom says were only supposed to have one or two! Don’t give her anymore Uncle Cam!” Julia threw up on the book during story time. I know what you’re thinking, “You’re an asshole Cam!” I gave her a few extra Hershey Kisses, sue me.

If you ever get the chance to witness a performance by Julia, prepare for “A” level entertainment. She connects individually with audience members. Touching their hands, holding their gaze as she backs away and even gently tapping them on the nose with a single finger, to let them know they’re the center of her universe. Her falsetto is flamboyant and rich with vibrato. Julia has stage presence drag queens would kill for.

These pictures were taken at In n’ Out Burger in Burlingame. Julia spent most of the meal playing in her chocolate shake. Drizzling it in her palm, licking it off, flicking the straw, and eventually spilling half of it on the table. She then started swiping the spilled shake with her index finger, like she was stealing tastes of cake frosting. Julia was giggling the whole time. The highlight was when she dropped a quarter she found on the ground in the shake, and immediately put it in her mouth to “clean it off.” That was when her dad was forced to step in.

It’s a good thing her mom, Robin, is not a pushover, because she plays her father like a Stradivarius. She’s a master manipulator and to hear a well formed argument from a 3 year old can be a little creepy. Her propensity for language and emotional awareness is astounding. Shortly after I lost my job at her father’s company, I was visiting them and doing stand up comedy in their living room on a karaoke machine. I was mid-joke when Julia interrupted, “How did it feel when Papa fired you?” I’ve been heckled before, but never leveled. Absolutely ruined beyond recovery, by a 3 year old. Julia, it’s been an honor.

This video appeals to the idiot within.

Greg is a local comedian who does big things…Or anything that will do him. Here he is tickling our ribs performing “The Humpty Dance,” at Encore Karaoke. Well done sir!

When you start out in comedy, all your stage time comes from open mics, or amateur nights. They’re the same thing. When you get a spot without having to sign up, this is what is called a showcase, or booked show. So, my first showcase was last night.

I brought about 15 people, which was a huge help. Their laughter was very generous. Club Deluxe also tapes your set in HD and gives you a DVD copy of your performance, which makes it worth doing right there. All together it went well, but I still have a very long way to go. Thanks to everyone who came out and supported me.

If you want to watch the video of my performance, it’s on my facebook page.

I went to a new comedy club last night called Pepper Belly’s in Fairfield, which is about an hour out of San Francisco. They had a rowdy, boozed up crowd, which actually worked in my favor. I kinda like the challenge of a heckler but I’m sure I wouldn’t be saying that if it had gone the other way.

Alex Wood is a fellow Bishop’s Peak alumnus and two time winner of the Bobcat Ace Award. Upon the recent completion of his Master’s Degree in Economics, from The University of Phoenix, he found himself confronted with two tough choices; start a career in investment banking, or perform amateur comedy at a laundromat. Thankfully for all of us, he chose the latter. Enjoy! And who knows, with the right encouragement he might just get on stage again.

This song is an absolute classic written by the great Michael McDonald. I know what you’re thinking…”Oh yeah, the guy from the Doobie Brothers whose melodies rocked my parent’s world.” You’re wrong, I’m of course, referring to the Irish singer/songwriter who is responsible for such hits as “This Love,” “Please Don’t Go Girl”, and “You Can Go Your Own Way.” Well he’s up to his old tricks again with this ditty, and ladies and gents, I think we just learned who really let the dogs out. One clue…It wasn’t the Baha Men. They actually let the skanks out.

Sometimes life will bless you with talent. My brother James and I have had no such blessing. Please enjoy responsibly.

With Sincere Lament,

The Management
P.S.- If you never choke, you aren’t swallowing enough.