Archive for May, 2009

James Edmondson(AKA: Jamillo Pitts, The Boy, Pittsy Boy, Boy Gay, Jed) is a young designer with a very bright future. But like all great designers, he has a fatal flaw… He’s a turd. I’ve been compiling a case against James and this week I have two very compelling arguments with incriminating photos to match. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I give you exhibit A:

Who does this guy think he is?

Well, well, well, it looks like someone has spilled his iced vanilla latte and he’s completely at peace with letting it melt all over the brushed stainless steel table top. The fishbowl is not your toilet sir! He shows absolutely no remorse, the same behavior demonstrated by sociopaths and cold blooded turds alike. When asked about his lack of concern, Pitts commented, “They got janitors here. Right?” Looks like this turd just grew a pair of lips, and he doesn’t care who he shits all over.

If there’s still any doubt in your mind, let me present you with exhibit B:

Turd Central

A classic one stop shopping experience for the turd in your life, Hot Topic. The Boy can be seen here trying on studded bracelets, chokers, novelty t-shirts and perusing the dirty cards for hours on end. He is accompanied by his angst, desperation to stand out(fit in), and low brow sense of humor. His older brother, Akasha Godsent, had this to say, “Yeah, James is a fuckin’ turd. I mean sure, I’ve ripped off a few wallet chains from that store, but that was in like 7th grade. That place isn’t even cool enough to steal from anymore… Wanna see my van?”

Do you know a bigger turd than James? And don’t say me you fuckin’ turd. I know how your little turd brain works.

The people at DamnShow.com have made two of my favorite viral videos. After initially discovering Rack em’ Willie in his “rack ball” debut, they went on to make this other sketch with a hidden camera. I thought it was a great idea and execution for a viral vid. Check it.

In my last entry I said I was going to take a break from posting stand up vids until I got better, but I’m fickle and my word is shit. I am beginning to feel more comfortable on stage. I’m sure strippers go through the same thing. You don’t start out knowing how to send ripples through your ass and picking up dollar bills with your snatch. You gotta work on that shit. Give that girl some time and she’ll be getting yayed up and turning tricks in the champagne room. It’s hard to imagine ever being good at stand up comedy, but like a stripper, I’m kinda looking forward to sucking.

Last night I went to Annie’s Social Club for their open mic comedy night. I saw a lot of the same faces I saw at Brainwash and I think I’m going to get to know this scene pretty quickly. Once again, there were some really funny people. I was not one of them. I think I’m going to wait a while before I post another stand up video so I can hopefully see some improvement.

Special thanks to Alex Wood for writing a joke for me. If you’d like to contribute a joke to my set, leave it in the comments. If I like it, I’ll read it and give you credit.

My girlfriend filmed me last night doing amateur night stand up at Brainwash in San Francisco. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the venue, it’s a cafe/bar/laundromat. Everyone starts somewhere, and for how funny I am, a laundromat is probably just about right. The Thursday night open mic is hosted by the talented Tony Sparks.

As you will see in the video, Brainwash tradition calls for an overly enthusiastic greeting for a first time performer. This of course, only makes you feel more nervous and awkward. I wish I would have been relaxed enough to throw out “Hey, thanks. Now I know how special olympians feel,” but that’s what nerves do, squelch wit.

I’ve already given myself a lot of constructive criticism:
1. Memorize my jokes so I’m not constantly looking at my notes.
2. Create more of a relationship with the room.
3. Inject more performance with body language and conviction.
4. Relax. Which unfortunately will only come with more painful performances.
5. Write 5 minutes instead of 3. The amateur scene in San Francisco gives you two more minutes than LA!
6. Go out on a better joke(if I have one).

Please don’t give me any negative or constructive criticism. I can’t handle it. Thank you for sharing this painful memory with me.

This pimp video is my proudest moment in comedy so far. My brother James and I got pimp suits for the last Bay to Breakers race and once the booze started flowing my pimp character came to life.  James shot random video of me throughout the day throwing out one-liners, all of which ended with my pimp catchphrase, “What?!” I had no idea how the video would turn out. The whole editing process took about 15 minutes and once we put Stevie Wonder’s “Superstitious,” to it, I had a little character performance I was really happy with. 

I don’t think I’ll be dressing up for Bay to Breakers this weekend, but I do want to tackle some more video projects.  You guys have any ideas? Would anyone like to be a part of a project? Let me know gang, and enjoy the vid.

“Have you tried standup before?”
“Yes.”
“Were you successful?”
“No.”
“How many times did you do it?”
“I think 8.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know you are, but what am I?”

This is a conversation I’ve had with myself more than once. I can’t believe I always resort to the “I know you are but what am I,” line. Thank you Pee Wee. I feel compelled to try comedy again. I can’t get the thought out of my mind. I have to do it.

I’ve decided to make my failures public here on cameronedmondson.com so I am going to post the videos of my routines. My hope is that it will be an interesting way to remember my journey and hopefully engage the readers of my blog. For my first amateur routine back, I will be telling jokes about open mic comedy. If you write a funny joke in my comments, I will not only tell the joke, but also give you full credit for it.

Here are some things you should know about open mic/amateur comedy before writing your jokes:
1. Everyone is nervous.
2. Very few people are funny.
3. You sign up on a list earlier in the night and hope you get a slot.
4. The crowd is usually comprised of other aspiring comics
5. There are often two drink minimums for entry.
6. An MC hosts the event.
7. Routines are 3 minutes long.
8. There’s usually a red light they flash to signal your time is up.

Thanks for your help in advance! I know you guys are going to be awesome and if you aren’t, I will be. Not.

It seems like this guy has just popped up out of no where like a boner in math class, but like all comedians who “make it,” there’s a lot of hard work you don’t hear about. From the little research I was willing to do, this guy has worked with the Upright Citizens Brigade, Adult Swim and Human Giant.  Does that turn you on?

Previews are out now for his big screen debut. He’s going to star opposite Hayden Panetierre in “I Love You Beth Cooper,” which is coming to a theatre near me. After seeing the preview I was a little worried that he was going to come down with Diamond Fever. That’s a crippling illness which attacks the careers of actors who get locked into nerd roles.  Aptly named after Dustin Diamond(Screech from Saved by the Bell), Diamond Fever has also claimed the careers of other actors, like Jaleel White(Steve Urkel). I really thought Jaleel was going to cross over when he played Stefan Urquelle. Man that guy was so smooth!

Anyway, I was worried about Paul… That is, until I heard he was going to be in Tarantino’s upcoming Inglorious Bastards.  In the meantime, enjoy the clip and let me know if you think Paul Rust is as funny as I do.

 I was first introduced to Skipper over ten years ago when he was living in Mission Viejo, California. I was staying at his house with my friend Ian Coates as we were in town for an R/C car race at the Tamiya track. Ian failed, as he often does,  to give me any background on his father’s close friend so I assumed it would just be a place to crash over the weekend. I was wrong. The encounter left an indellible mark on my sense of humor.

The first thing Skipper showed me was a video of him driving around his neighborhood with Ian’s father, Bill Coates.  I know I said driving, but it was really racing. Skipper had built a kit race car called a Manta.

This thing was completely out of place, and looked like it was plucked off a race track and dropped in the middle of suburbia. As the roaring engine distorts the sound, Skipper and Bill tear through the streets.  You hear a desperate neighbor cry out “Hey! Slow down!”  Skipper, without missing a beat replies “Kiss my ass!” The video ends with them circling back to the frightened neighbor’s driveway.  Skipper, with his southern drawl, delivers one of his memorable lines, “We’re trying to make a movie here man!”  There was not going to be an apology. Afterall, Skipper was trying to get some good footage of reckless driving in a residential area.  There’s only one way to do that, and that’s to do it.  It was an eye opener. MAN III was the real deal.

Below is a clip from my recent trip to Talladega, Alabama. Skipper often explains points of interest wherever you go. Here we are passing Harley Davidson’s Research and Development building. Enjoy!

MAN III SPEAKS. from IWC on Vimeo.

Skipper, or MAN III, as he refers to himself, is a character everyone should get to meet.  Honor the epic characters in your life.

San Francisco's "it-boy" jacket

I have few friends in San Francisco and even fewer who are funny. Last weekend, my girlfriend, Lauren, and I went out with Ryan and his fiance, Stephanie for dinner and drinks. You can read all about them on their disturbingly in depth blog www.hupandsteph.com. Ryan is the kind of character I like to call a “party catalyst.” He’s throbbing with enthusiasm and he makes you think he’s going to whip it out at any moment and start whacking away out of pure excitement. His Fiance, who shares the same zest for life would just look at you and say “Isn’t Ryan great at yanking his dode?” They’re a wonderful match.

 Anyway, it was an unseasonably warm night and I brought both a black sweater and my Northface jacket.  Needless to say I was sweating like a pedaphile in a preschool. What? Okay, let me try that again.  Needless to say, I was sweating like a pedaphile in a preschool. Aw, fuck it man.  Moving on, I left my jacket at Ryan’s new palatial apartment in the SOMA(South of Market st.) neighborhood.  He brought it to work a couple days later and I went downtown and picked it up. When I put the jacket on again a couple days after that, I found one note in each pocket. My first thought was “Why am I writing notes to myself?” But they weren’t from me.

"You like little boys A LOT."

"Lauren said you have a small penis. REALLY SMALL."

These jacket jokes really made my day. Ryan could have easily just given me the jacket with a standard reach around, and the whole experience would have been completely forgettable. You see, Ryan has a special brain, which usually requires him to wear a helmet, but sometimes his brain searches for a way to make a joke.  What a priceless quality! If only he were funny.

I like that both of his jokes ended with all capital letters to really drive the point home.

There’s also the subject matter to take into account. One joke about liking little boys and the other is about having a small penis. I believe this is known as projecting in the psychology community.  

Anyway you cut it, the concept of returning lost or forgotten articles with jokes in them is a winner. Too bad Ryan’s a loser…With a small penis.